shipsnotdrugs:

so my friend and i were home alone and naturally we ordered a pizza

we had a simple request

image

so when the doorbell rang we were super excited but our delivery person was this really confused old guy

he was like, “i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the heck a TARDIS is, so i drew the closest thing i could think of”

image

he drew us a tortoise

god bless this man

i gave him a twenty and told him to keep the change

fignewton69:

a strip club that plays exclusively Simon & Garfunkel

oh-godno:

ramavatarama:

waywardvagabondslilcousin:

a woman has twins and gives them up for adoption

one of them goes to a family in egypt and is named amal the other goes to a family in spain they name him juan

years later juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. upon receiving the picture she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of amal

he responds “theyre twins if youve seen juan youve seen amal”

NOOOOOOOO

I DONT GET IT????

nue:

fun game, don’t say any of these words when ur talking online & see how long u last:

  • wow
  • lol
  • haha
  • lmao
  • tru
  • tbh
  • tho
  • like
  • omg
  • omfg
  • fuck
  • shit
  • wtf

simplesidewaysglance:

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t laugh at this f ucking picture

image

moonemojii:

When someone lies to you but you already know the truth
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miwrighting:

tamorapierce:

ohawkguy:

the notebook problem: you see a notebook. you want to buy the notebook. but you know you have like TEN OTHER NOTEBOOKS. most which are STILL EMPTY. you don’t need to notebook. you’re probably not gonna use the notebook anyway. what’s the…